II
Memory is a venom that mixes with our own years, the knowledge that life is the scenery to our own loneliness.
I walk beside a river that no longer exists toward a library whose
doors are closed, and I will never be able to return to the house I
have just left because it disappeared many years ago, and they have
changed the name of the street and the numbers on the doorways, the
bars are different, the light is an other and the couples that loved
each other have stopped embracing at the same hour in the same shadow.
It's true: The city that made us unmakes us and in the debris it builds
us up again. I can walk the road of an autumn past, but I know the
lovers of today seek in their kisses the lips of another time. Desire
is ashamed to remain and it becomes self-conscious upon discovering
that it dreams out of an aged body, out of an abundance that does not
exist.
In between, me. And yes, life is a dream, but not because it lacks
truth, not because the intense realities of its scars are a lie but
because in dreams coexist all the eras of a single city, and all is
stored behind a single gaze, in the cellars of our own loneliness, and
the streets disappeared years ago are of flesh and bone, and the man
who walks beside the river that no longer exists may forget for a
moment that his life, what he calls his life...
Granada looks like a memory becoming the present. In the garden of
today the rain of winters past falls so slowly.
Luis García Montero
Translation by Alice McAdams